free 2 be marlo

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Posted by danylo @ 12:21 a.m. ET

So, have a vendor take us out to dinner. Great meal, fun hanging out. Have several drinks. It's pouring. Dude #5 ends up driving Scotch Tape Mike and me near home.

Persuade Scotch Tape not to do laundry and hit Stetson's, with the lamest trivia night ever. Well, first round was kinda cool: bands and musicians that appeared on the Simpsons (Like, who was handing out guitars at the Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp?) But atmosphere was wake like.

Dude #5 gets a call from Chick #3, making plans to meet. Dude #5 heads to the can. Scotch Tape Mike sez "Wish I had the energy to go on with them just to be the annoying third wheel."

Backstory: Scotch Tape is all into Chick #2 for several months. Everyone knows this. Dude #5 hooks up with her. Dude #5 has a live-in longterm, which ends soonly. Months later, Dude #5 leaves his own birthday party with Chick #3, leaving Chick #2 in tears. Chick #2 agrees to go to Paris with him on the long-planned trip if Dude #5 "stops being a jerk." Three days back from Paris, Dude #5 and Chick #3 are meeting on U Street.

We get up to leave. Scotch Tape backs out to do laundry. Dude #5 says something to me like, "Are you gonna be a pussy too?" (It was really probably something far less confrontational, and probably sounded more like "Are you sure you're not coming?")

I say, "Well, in that case, where are we going?" We head up to a bar.

Dude #5 and I order drinks at the bar waiting for Chick #3. Standard conversation while waiting.

Chick #3 shows up.

Now, I'm totally aware that my sole role here is to be THAT guy, the seemingly clueless, not getting out of the way of their thing, no reason to be there guy. I never hang out with either of them. It's just payback for the Scotch Tape Mike - Chick #2 imbroglio.

Also, in order to play the role as obnoxiously as possible, I've gotten pretty drunk by this point.

I offer to stand. She says she's ok. She pulls up a chair. I offer to move over. She says it's ok.

It's gonna be too easy to be that guy.

We talk. I keep just yacking to fill the pauses, you know, build up the obnoxiousness. But I'm talking to both of them, head like a lighthouse, panning between the two rocky sides of the channel that are their faces.

Dude #5 visibly can't believe that I'm still here. Chick #3 is only mildly uncomfortable.

I've had enough. So I pull my wallet out and the bartender comes over. He asks if we want another drink. Dude #5 orders one. I hem and Dude #5 says something like, "It's still early, wuss."

Seriously. I'm having a blast. I was all set to leave and let them do their thing, he had his chance. He blew it. I couldn't believe it. What a maroon.

So I order another, and the same conversation continues, everyone participating, me filling all the silences, watching their faces gradually get more annoyed.

It was great.

Finally, bladder was full. I couldn't take it. I paid and left. Chick #3 slid over next to Dude #5 before my head cleared the top of the stairs.

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