Casting Call
Not that it will ever happen, but if the movie of my life is ever made, I want to be played by Danny Stuart Masterson, yet I want to be 6'1" and have at least size 10.5 feet.
I want Michael Keaton to be considered for that role, just in case.
I want Rob Zombie or Tommy Lee to play Uncle Steve, no matter how small or large the role.
I want Brian Blessed or Rip Torn to play my dad.
I will have a cameo as the guy on the merry-go-round or in a bar. I will accept product placement, and would encourage bourbon makers and camera manufacturers to apply. No Mickey Ds (but Mickey's Wide Mouths) , no soda pop (tonic's okay), nothing I wouldn't use or would make fun of. (Sorry Southern Comfort and Oscar Mayer, unless i get to drive the weinermobile.)
The soundtracks from "The Harder They Come," "French Kiss," "Superfly" and NPR's "This American Life" will be combined for this movie. French Kiss by Little Louis will also be used.
The movie will have comedy credits, but of a more subtle nature than a Zucker-Abrams-Zucker movie. Whose Mom -- Joel's Mom, Hooker #1 -- Katherine von Aragon, Hooker #2 -- Anne Boleyn, etc. No recipes for fudge brownies.
The movie will have Masturbating Dog credit.
Come to think of it (no pun intended), Triumph should play the masturbating dog.
Jessica Simpson and J.Lo will have no part in it, nor will Ben Affleck or Ben Stiller.
Neve Campbell, Natalie Portman and Humpty Hump will be in it, though. They will be involved in a scene were we all play Dungeons and Dragons, just so my high school years will seem far cooler in retrospect.
Come to think of, (pun intended) Jennifer Tilly and Loogie will make out for no apparent reason. Just cause it would be hot, not cause it really bears much semblance to my real life. Neither will have a speaking part to keep costs down (which sorta mimics my life).
The masturbating bear would be nice too. But then it is a movie of my life, and so that's kinda redundant.
The premier will be at a drive-in theater, and the DVD will have an easter egg sequence of me doing a Vince Neil home movie re-enactment, all jumping on the bed in my tightie whities.
I've run out of ideas. And I wouldn't mention that, except that I couldn't have the last image be me having a seizure in my junior high drawers.
Replies: 4 comments
you scare me, danylo. you really do.
Posted by @ 12/20/04 11:51 a.m. ET
How about WeeMan as Uncle Steve? Not cause it makes any sense, just cause I <3 midgets.
Posted by @ 12/21/04 1:42 a.m. ET
Uncle Stevie from Family Business on Showtime and Nikki Six also would be fair game for Uncle Steve.
Posted by @ 12/21/04 12:25 p.m. ET
Yuck.
Posted by @ 12/20/04 11:35 a.m. ET