free 2 be marlo
home B2 danylo evil schmoo hciudad jerko archives
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Posted by B2 @ 3:31 p.m. ET

Lessons learned

So, it's been 12,390 days since i was born, and there are a couple of things I've picked up along the way that I feel I should share with those of you that have a few thousand fewer days under your belts. It's not an original concept, but since nobody else on here is talking (feel free to embellish)....

  1. Everyone else is a hypocrite anyway, you may as well join in the fun.

  2. There really is a difference between Rs and Ds, so don't vote for Nader.

  3. Sometimes, if you're staring at a girl's ass too intently, she'll notice.

  4. Do something well and you'll be rewarded by having to do that thing forever. Screw it up badly once and you'll never have to do it again.

  5. If there are enough "free previews" on a website, there's really no need to join.

  6. When you're good at something when you're 14 and you pick it up again 17 years later, it's never as easy as you think it will be.

  7. Some drugs may be bad in some sweeping societal context, but like everything else, they have a time and place.

  8. You can like musicals and not be gay ...right?

  9. Despite what the media tells you, baseball is not, in fact, a metaphor for life.

  10. Soccer is a metaphor for life.

  11. Strippers aren't really your friends, they just want the money, and that's ok.

  12. Only losers really care about the Mac vs. PC argument... fucking PC-using losers.

  13. Eventually, the music really is too loud.

  14. The fancy hubcaps are clearly compensating for some inadequacy, but big TVs aren't.

  15. If you're ever feeling lonely in an elevator, let one rip... someone will get on at the next floor.

  16. True communism will never work because it puts too much power in too few hands and power always corrupts.

  17. There are articles in Playboy.

  18. Never ever look at this link. Especially not in the office.

  19. When someone says "It tastes like chicken," eat chicken instead.

  20. Lefty-loosey, righty-tighty.

-30-

Replies: 5 comments

  1. Tighty-whities? What are you, 5,110 days old? Chicks don't dig tighty-whities. (Do they really dig scars? Would the scar work for Seal if he didn't sing? How about disfiguring scars?)

Posted by @ 06/22/04 5:13 a.m. ET

  1. It's okay to admit to yourself that you don't enjoy masturbating or that you get bored while doing it, but not to anyone else.

Posted by @ 06/23/04 1:38 a.m. ET

  1. You guys are assholes. Especially Kenny.

Posted by @ 06/23/04 9:07 a.m. ET

  1. A paper shredder is a good thing indeed.

Posted by @ 06/23/04 12:44 p.m. ET

Is it me, or am I the only one who wants to see what happens to the innocent ear of corn?

Posted by @ 06/25/04 9:40 a.m. ET


© '95-'08. Questions, comments, etc: hit me up. The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of any of our employers, current, past or future.